*Gentle Warning: The contents of the following blog post are Raw, Honest & may be Traumatic for some readers. The content of this birth story and journey may be a trigger to families who have dealt with unexpected birth plan outcomes. Please do not read on if you have anxiety related to your own (past or upcoming) labor and delivery experiences. I say this warning because, pregnancy and birth is Hard, really really Hard, but also incredibly transforming no matter the outcome. Please pause and take a few breaths to choose whether or not to Read on**
On May 10th, 2018 I became a Mama + was the day my sweet son Paulie decided to come Earthside after more than a day of Labor & a surprise Belly Birth (you can read about my FULL Pregnancy & Birth Story Here) .12 Months later + 13 Moon Cycles gone by, this past year has taught me some of the greatest life lessons & I'm on my journey of "Returning" after a year of being Initiated as the incredible Rite of Passage that is Motherhood.
Paulie is one incredible human & soul and my husband and I are HONORED that he chose us, and we are ever thankful to Paulie for that and also for giving us the thrilling ride of our first year of parenthood, but also the most sleep deprived year of our lives too. I don't think I've ever Googled so many things in my life. Paulie has taught us patience, how to operate on little sleep, and how to be the best team mates for one another.
Back to my journey of "Returning" or maybe... "Becoming" is the right word for my phase of being now. It's been a journey to get here & here's what I learned:
Me becoming and being a present loving mother is only as good and as healthy as the other elements of my life (my relationship with others, my spiritual practice, my service in the world and my relationship with my body). So this whole year has really been about re-balancing all of the areas in my life that went awry after I got pregnant and had a baby. It's been a year of restoring and grounding also. I have expanded my capacity for joy but also pain. I have stretched my limits of patience & awe all in one breath often times. I've learned to lean into my own inner knowing and my own inner mother. I've learned to surrender to the ever changing being that is my son. To stay present in the moments of "boredom" and just being with one another. To see my "failings" as a mama as stepping stones to being a deep intuitive mother with deep wisdom that I will one day pass on to others. I've learned that my son is my greatest Spiritual Teacher in my life, and will continue to be. He's called my "Sonshine" for a reason. He brightens up the world around him just by being him. This post is for you my sweet boy, happy first trip around the Sun & many more. We love you, Bubs.
Here's a video to Celebrate you, sweet Paulie.
The journey of you in my Belly & your first year of life.